Friday, July 13, 2018

Bionic Lady Garden

This mantra has gotten me through the last near decade in more ways than most know...

While working at my first professional job with Laramie County Centralized Pharmacy in 2010, I went to a local doctor's office to get the bulge causing pain in my leg, lower back, and ovary checked out.  I spent 10 minutes with a doctor to be told I had Varicose Veins.  I was then told  to purchase a good pair of compression socks and possibly try "birth control to regulate those menstrual hormones".  I did both but....

In 2013, while living in Austin I had my first large ovarian cyst causing me pain again... but worse.  I went to an OBGYN and even with one proper test (transvaginal ultrasound), I was again told to get on birth-control to help with hormones and the pain would all go away.  Still followed instructions but...

When visiting the doctors for both Kayl and Ella's pregnancies and all visits for yearly check ups at the OBGYN & regular doctor for physicals I would ask about the weird symptoms I was having only to  have the same answer spouted back to me... have you tried birth control? That should work.

For YEARS I have lived with an aching pain on the left side of my body from the middle of my back down to eventually my foot in the last few months.  I've tried just about every birth control out there, even finding out that the depo-provera shot and my body do not get along, like at all.

EIGHT YEARS of pain that I was told was just all part of being a woman.  That I was being too sensitive.  That medication would "heal" it.

Insert June 11th, 2018... a trip to the ER verified a cyst had ruptured and if you have not experienced this, it is kind of like a tiny Hiroshima going off in your lady parts. 

Even with the ER visit, my doctors office tried to make me wait two months for my yearly check up.  Heck I had made it this long, I almost just went with it... but the pain after the ruptured cyst just kept getting worse.  At the end of the day most days I was contemplating what color of prosthetic I would get and started looking into which Essential Oils and hormones I would take to when I got all the lady parts ripped out... doc would probably tell me birth control again - ha!

FINALLY I found a doctor that listened and diagnosed me with Pelvic Congestion Syndrome and told me I needed to speak with an Interventional Radiologist to see what was next.  My chart was sent and two weeks later I had a procedure scheduled, Ovarian Vein Embolization.

I am now the proud owner of ten new coils blocking off a 12 mm vein that was pushing blood in the wrong direction.

Pssshhhhh... birth control. Maybe she's menstrual.  Get out of here with that...

WOMEN (or people for that matter) please speak up for your body and tell the doctors to listen. They may have studied a lot about the human body, but YOU are the only expert in YOUR body.  If you think something else is going on that a medicine just isn't working for, speak up! 

I'm not sure that this will fully heal me, it's a wait and see type of thing, but it feels incredible to have some answers.  So very thankful for the radiology team at Cheyenne Regional Medical Center who took such good care of me today.  Beyond grateful for the prayers and good vibes my friends!

   Love Harder Than Any Pain You've Felt will still be the mantra I live by, but maybe - just maybe, the pain will subside leaving just the feeling of LOVE alive <3 

If you are living with chronic pain, please know that you are not alone.  I know some days just getting out of bed is a victory, & for that I am very proud of you.  

***Title of blog comes in part from my hilarious, incredibly talented, beautiful, smart, sunshiney souled, (insert all the nice adjectives here) ... Ashley White <3

Wednesday, December 16, 2015


1. Acute pain - occurs immediately after the fracture when the bone has broken.
2. Sub-acute pain - occurs the first few weeks after the fracture while the bone and soft tissue heal.
3.Chronic pain - pain that continues long after the fracture and soft tissues have finished healing.

The first reaction to the pain is just RIP OFF whatever limb or body part that is broken and in that moment you will not miss it, not in the least bit.  JUST GET RID OF THE PAIN NOW.  After you settle into the fact that the pain will not go away, even in the possible situation that you talk the doctor into amputation, there tends to be a bit of frustration.  Life is just not the same as before you had this broken piece of you to lug around attempting to figure out how to do life with something quite not the way it was.  At first you are doing the best you can to just make it through the day but as time goes on it gets a little easier and you find new ways of handling life even amidst the pain.  Eventually the break will heal but there will be occasions where you still feel it -a twinge of pain as a reminder of what happened. An example of this is the barometric pressure, or the weight of the atmosphere that surrounds us, changes and we can "feel it in our bones" - the ache hits especially hard on the ones that have been broken. When that discomfort that seems non-existent or a distant memory flairs up it reminds us of that break and the horrendous pain we once felt.  

All of this is true for a broken heart too.

Last week the weight of the atmosphere around my heart was altered in a BIG way so obviously with the previous text insert the chronic pain.  My family and I flew to Texas to spend a few days with the main purpose of meeting my ex-husbands fiance.  Let me just tell you what the caused ALL of the emotions that hit (besides those after a new baby being a slight bit crazy moments)...  Not only was I meeting the future step-mom to my children, I was also seeing my ex for the first time in nearly three years.  Okay just seeing is fine, I could totally handle that emotionally... but try adding in staying in the same house for three days & insert the many emotions of WHAT AM I DOING?!?! here.  

This song got me through the last few chaotic weeks:

Yes BREATHE... & yoga, journaling, lots of talks with friends, hooping, PRAYERS, and long conversations with my understanding and comforting husband got me through.  Because ... 

"the truth is it hurts because it's real. 
 It hurts because it mattered. 
And that's an important thing to acknowledge to yourself."
- John Greene

Just because there is pain there does not mean that what was broken did not heal...  it just takes time to learn how to move through the pain and work out what you feel.  I'm going to be honest - yes, I still love my ex-husband - he is the father of my children and was my best friend for eleven years... 

the love is different but it's there and I'm thankful for it. It's also there for his sweet fiance too - I'm thankful to have an amazing woman to help raise my children. God calls us to love and continue to love; 1 John 4:7 Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. Because of this love we are able to push past the brokenness and lean into a future filled with beautiful memories with our children together like these... ... 

Our First Family Photo                                 

To Dani & Bryan - I am so thankful to have this chance to be not only civil but to be friends and a  family filled with so much love for our children.  I look forward to so many adventures that this life will bring - love you two forever! 

To my Husband - thank you for being so understanding and supportive during everything.  I am beyond blessed to have you by my side for life and words will never begin to describe how much I love you but I'll spend forever trying to show you! 

To everyone else- co-parenting is awesome (awkward moments will happen but those will pass as fast as they come) and if you happen to have a family that has been through divorce please try it.  Love is what this world needs and it begins at home with your family.   Be an example of kindness, mercy, love, forgiveness, and grace to your babes ... after all they are watching you to see how you react to everything.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

#Winning In Yellowstone: A Peek Behind the Scenes

 Looking back at my last blog post I was telling you all about the trip to Belize for our brand new Brand honeymoon... Then a few weeks later we found out that we brought home a souvenir in pregnancy form (insert all the excitement here!)  Soooo that's why there have been crickets on this end of the internet and usually I would apologize about it BUT I've been learning some serious life lessons lately and if you continue reading you will see that I've been a little busy lately sooo #sorryImnotsorry. Okay - onto the REAL reason I'm writing this evening:

Mmmmmhmmmm...everyone especially parents (say this extra loud for the people with two or more kids) CAN I GET AN AMEN!?!

Let me share my most recent example of this:

This is #FamBamBrand - my sweet little family of five standing in front of Old Faithful in Yellowstone National Park this past weekend.  When we posted it on our social media sites there were loving comments like, "Beautiful family", "Rhianna, you look incredible!", & "You seriously have the most beautiful family. I'm so happy for you! And jealous lol!" While we LOVE reading the kind comments and adore all of you that share them with us let me give you the behind the scenes version of this highlight reel & to make it easier to follow we'll do it by each individual family member going from youngest to oldest (this also helps my OCD so we both win on this one reader!)
1.) Ella - aside from being painfully adorable and a mere 19 days new to this world she did REALLY well on our road trip.  Poop, pee, and puke happens... a lot... and this will be relevant at a later point in this blog.  The best news for her is that she doesn't really have to deal with it after she gets rid of it... it's like the ultimate mic drop of life in baby form (insert bodily fluid release here) & I'm out... literally because (insert deepest sleep ever here).  

2.) Kayl - oh my sweet and spunky three year old with the attention span of ... well a three year old.  Favorite quote of our drive in Yellowstone - "One, Two, find a bear." Over and over again it was said with giggles from all of us every time - yet no bears were ever spotted even with the count down prompting them to be found.  He peed his pants before the picture as he was pulling down his pants to pee when we found a place to pull over... FOR HIM TO NOT PEE HIS PANTS. Shortly before this picture was taken we had to stop him from running out to see the smoke (because riding on a geyser is totally possible in movies) and he also ate a chip that was just randomly sitting on the ground by the benches where MILLIONS of people gather to watch the "earth explode" as Kayl says. FYI: I'm chalking the last one up as a win for strengthening his immune system.

3.) Aydn - you cannot tell with the shadow but he is extremely pale from the car sickness that struck him about halfway through Yellowstone probably because the entire ride we were all looking to "one, two, find a bear" and watching out the back window was like - tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree (etc. forever). So I chugged the rest of the water in our water jug and told him to hold it in case of puke, look out the front, and take deep breaths.  About two minutes from parking I thought we were going to get a preview of Old Faithful in puke form out of my seven year old... luckily it was not as faithful.  We spent the hour at the geyser getting his bearings back so that we could drive out of the park without the same deep breath coaching and near puke experience. 

4.) Jesse (yes I am older than him which also makes me wiser right?!?) - Poor guy.  What a trooper he is to deal with three kids and a hormonal wife who is on the verge of crazy most of the time but especially on road trips right after having a baby.  I can see it but most will miss it - this is his "I'm slightly amused but incredibly thankful that we made it this far without strapping someone to the roof of the car smile" (it was discussed many times, mainly aimed at me).  With the usual road trip questions of "are we there yet" and "how much longer" with added on urgent requests to "stop the car now I'm going to (insert bodily fluid here) myself" and bonus "Whipping & Nae Nae" action... it's a wonder we made it this far.  Then there is this thing that I suffer from when I don't know where we are or where we are going that makes me certifiably insane for about a two minute span... dear God please look out if we get lost together ever reader - ask Jesse, nobody is safe.

5.) Me-  We discussed my increased anxiety on this trip so there's that... but there is also this.  In this picture there is a pool of fresh breast milk puke in my cleavage. Yup, just sitting there all warm and curdled milk smelling while I grin away like it's the most incredible moment of my life... because ya know what it kinda is.  Because...


There you have it. The behind the scenes of this highlighted reel in our life... be jealous lol! 

Sunday, November 23, 2014

An UnBELIZEable Adventure Part I

"Traveling - it leaves you speechless then turns you into a storyteller." - Ibn Battuta
This quote perfectly describes the adventure my husband and I just went on over the last few weeks. This was my first visit out of the country so you can TOTALLY believe me when I say never before have I felt such a rush of adventure, relaxed beyond belief, feared for my life, and been more & more grateful with each new day for the many blessings the God Lord has given me than on our trip to Belize. Come enjoy the story with me!

Day 1: Walking off the plane instantly I knew that life here would NOT be the same.  We were greeted by our driver Ruben who escorted us to the van, gave us cold water, and these AMAZING frigid and glorious smelling towels to put around our necks to combat the heat.  As we sat and waited for the last couple to join us we chatted with another honeymooning couple about their life in Las Vegas in contrast with ours in good 'ol Wyoming.  Once the other couple from San Diego arrived we were off cruising along the Hummingbird Highway of Belize with eyes wide open to see ALL the things! One of the first things I saw were these children playing football (aka soccer in the USA).  Coming from a family of soccer fanatics it was new to me to see the children playing without shin guards and shoes on their feet. The next item that caught my attention was the brightly painted police station.  Looking at the size of it caught me by surprise and it made me wonder how large of an area the policemen had to look after... then we came across the prison. 

 Ruben, the driver, must have seen the wonder in my eyes when I read the words on the sign... Prison GIFT SHOP?!  He told us that is was the only Prison in Belize and it was a huge tourist attraction.  Edwin (one of the guests) made the joke, "I went to Prison in Belize and I'll I have to show is this stupid T-shirt."  We all laughed... but then in my mind I began to ask - is the prison so small and the only one because Belize safe or should we have brought our gun?!

View from our tree house.
 Pushing past that fear we continued on our way to  THIS fabulous place! (Hint...That's a link - you should click it.)  & our room... yeah THIS!!!!!  Of all the things in the room - the soaking tub on top of the roof (perfect for star gazing to the sweet tunes of Howler Monkeys) and the outside shower with the most incredible views & birds singing sweetly all around. (More awesome photos will be uploaded to Facebook shortly here.)  & the food guys... the 3 course meal of awesome that awaited us is undesirable with homemade cheeses to fresh fruits *wipes drool* there are no words but my thoughts were "I MUST EAT ALL THE THINGS!"

Day 2: It began with the sound of monkeys waking us up and what seemed like a hundred birds to sip our coffee with on the porch.  Seriously thought I was still dreaming when I woke up!  We went down to eat our breakfast again with all things tasting more than magnificent.  Then we were off on our first adventure...Jungle & Cave Hike PLUS Waterfall Jumping! 


Inside the cave is stunning, incredible, and as Julio our head tour guide says "UNBELIZEABLE!"  He took us into a portion of the cave that not many people get to see any more because it is up a steep clay wall.  Once we reached the top it was like a tsunami of history hit us with a raging force of AMAZING!  There were numerous fully intact fire spots where the Mayans came to burn their sacrifices.  On the stalactites we could see the black hue being covered by the new minerals.  Shattered pottery scatter the floor and they had piles of artifacts dating back to 950 A.D. some of the craziest being blood-letting needles used to pierce tongues and male genitalia.

Stalagmite forming on piece of pottery.
Snakes were thought to be sacrificed because of this finding.
Mayan blood-letting needles.

 There was only one piece of pottery in the entire cave that was completely intact.  It was amazing to see the detail the Mayans could put into their work from the indents in the beads to the designs on the pottery.  To stand before these historical pieces gave me chills to know how far we've come as humans.  I wonder what they would say if they saw the world this way.  Grateful to have had this brush with history & to see all the beautiful sights, even if just with my headlamp!
Jellyfish looking & they sparkled so beautifully! 

 After walking through & swimming at some points this phenomenally gorgeous cave we came to the part that is only for the very brave.  Climbing up the waterfalls and jumping back in - praying to God that we hit the hula-hooped sized hole exactly so we would not be maimed.  Our GoPro quit working & I so wish I could show you us jumping but here is a video of what it is like leaping into a pitch black uncertainty over the waterfalls - the highest being about 15 feet.   WHAT A RUSH - LITERALLY!!!  Seriously highly suggest this to any travel adventure enthusiast!

On our way out we met this little guy,
a scorpion-spider that Julio told be gets
up to 8 feet... then began counting each
leg laughing at my reaction. They are harmless.


The bus ride home took us through a river (insert Chitty Chitty Bang Bang scene from Ace Ventura When Nature Calls Movie.)

That's all for now but I promise you more!  Stay tuned for the rest of our adventure... you won't want to miss the rest!  One final thought... all of the formations from the cave to everything that decorated to the history that was held in it reminded me of this verse Eccelsiates 3:11 He has made everything beautiful in its time.  He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from the beginning to the end.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

A Grace Filled Journey

     Change is going to happen in life and opportunities will arise that set your soul on fire - but the blaze at which you sit gets you comfortable with it. The author H.P Lovecraft says it best “The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.” I believe that fear is actually F.E.A.R. an acronym of False Evidence Appearing Real.  I also believe some of your greatest dreams lie on the other side of facing fear... after all the only way to find out if the "false evidence" is true is to take that leap and follow through.  

    With that said I am taking the leap and jumping in - a new direction of life with my soul on fire!  Tomorrow is my last day at  92.9 FM The Boss and 1240 AM KFBC. I have absolutely loved working with Montgomery Broadcasting and  I appreciate all of the time that I have had there. I am thankful for all the knowledge I have gained and the awesome relationships made from this adventure with meeting new people and helping companies promote their superb business locations on the airwaves.  Every ounce of me LOVES the radio industry BUT....

 I have been offered a position that my soul buzzes all sorts of happy about that it's been pretty difficult to not shout it out! It's with...

& when they first told me what was happening for a moment life was like "Here's why"... 

 Genesis 50:20 says, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."

  This is one of my favorite verses to meditate on when the past comes creeping back because I know that I can choose to take that dark place and let light and love replace it.  I have struggled with the lowest of low moments and I know what it feels like to want to forget the pain of life completely.  My heart and soul are in letting others know that they are not alone.  I will be helping spread awareness about the educational aspects and all of the help a person can receive when they cannot seem to find their happiness or peace.  I will also be lead by the board members of Grace for 2 Brother's in the direction of how to help those in need within our Wyoming community.   I am praying that throughout this new journey this can be nothing but a blessing for those that need it and that are living, breathing, soul sunshiningly beaming (yet potentially unaware of the awesome they hold) people will realize the light within themselves to go from the darkness to a full on light that is aglow - ablaze with a radiance to help others in need.  I am a spark (lit with the help of many others) here to start a blaze of love - a moment of change in the lives that may be screaming with a silent pain... 
Something that makes them think it's better no to breathe again.  The only think I can account for this moment of despair is knowing the feeling sinking and slinking deep within me that it's okay not to be there.  The focus on this moment - right here and right now-  is in it... this change I am making to fully support something I believe in.  Present ... THE PRESENT - life a gift to unwrap the good and the bad equally a lesson to be had.  Gratefulness -  a breath in and a release out - a flow of love and blessings throughout.

   I have no idea what the future brings in this beautifully placed opportunity but I am whole-heartedly in all the way - every fiber of me is hoping to help those that are hurting and having troubles with  believing there is a reason for existence.  I am not a person who saves a life - but a beacon of a light to represent a movement to love beyond all measure during any and all strife.  I am here to continue the work laid before me of reaching everyone that has been hit with a thought or loss from suicide.  From this issue I hope to no longer hide that reaching out is more than okay - it is what softens the blow from being blown away.  People to surround you and remind you during the storm of your shelter because, after all, we are in this together.

If this one move of my life can make a ripple let it tidal wave to all you brave... especially the ones that care more than you should and never giving up on dreaming as if it will someday be your livelihood.  The ones that live and give and sing for joy of each and every day... keep on inspiring and being that way - NEVER give up on anything if it supports and leads toward the path of following your dreams... life is here and now - it is YOUR present for the taking.
I leave you with this... never go a through moment in life without thanking it. 

 Forever grateful & always here - Rhianna 
“Few will have the greatness to bend history itself, but each of us can work to change a small portion of events. It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.” 

― Robert F. Kennedy